but, no, there is no fear in me, and, conversely, no hope
of forgetting some specific things, a certain name.
these are the things that will not change,
despite inhuman effort and sleepless nights
and too much alcohol.
it's not in me anymore, the instinct to protect myself,
lost somewhere between 'i love you'
and 'it's over'

and beyond that, what all is left?
sinews and bones, skin, tissue, organs,
everything so tangible and fragile,
making me feel so much more vulnerable
than i have felt in years.
and there is something there, even if i haven't cried so many tears,
or any tears.
there is something there that cannot be undone,
not for any amount of effort, not for me or you, or anyone.